The Betrayal by Holly Sanders

I see it,

I see us together forever and then when I look down, I see this shattered picture of our past lives. Each fragment representing something beautiful that just does not fit in. I see your raven hair and think of all the times I have run my hand through it, feeling the soft strands, feeling comfort in your arms. Your strong muscular physique representing the strength he would use to protect me. I see all of that and then catch a glimpse of the rush of ebony streams running down my cheeks. Reminding me of all the times you caused me pain; each time making me feel like no-one again, austere and unloved. Shrinking me into insignificance.

I see it, 

I can feel each scar like a constant reminder that I constantly shortfall of your unattainable standards. Each time I set a foot out of line, it is as though I have wounded your family. It is your way or nothing. The scars, like stamps of approval show your protection, your love, I’m not sure what form of love this is anymore, but I need you; if I leave then there’s no hope, nothing left for me. This photo frame is my entire world showing the perfect dream life we have imagined and dreamed of ever since we were little kids. There was the dream of fairy tales and now it feels more like a nightmare. The whole thing shattering around me. I never imagined feeling so worthless.

I see it, 

I see each time I thought there was something beautiful blooming, like the flower from among the thorns. But now, it is not just me, it is every other garden he decided he needed to water, each time ripping their roots gathering them up and keeping them under his isolation making them dependent on his love and protection. I thought it was special, I thought I was different, but I am just like the others.

I see it, 

I see our future of lies and deceit. Each message a hidden meaning for me to overlook. Pretend that I knew nothing; act like each smile was real. You never knew the hurt… you never knew what I really thought. I stand here, weak, looking at a scared girl that I don’t recognise anymore; you have seized the life from within me. I see the splinters of our lives drawing the hurt from me I feel relief the cold fresh glass releasing the demons I have been holding in for so long. The now unbearable pain making me feel as though the times coming.

I see it,

The replay in my mind. I remember it so clearly now, it all started not so long ago when you enticed me into this life with the promise of a dream, of love, of happiness; how was I supposed to know it would end up in such a mess. Instead of roses, I get the thorns, instead of paradise, I got hell. Looking back, I could see it the hope growing dimmer before my eyes each bruise, each cut a sign of love, or so I thought. Now making me afraid of everything and everyone.

I see it,

A clear light now, the worst time when you sent me crashing to the floor, shattering any sense of hope I had yet again. I could smell that awful stench of alcohol in the air, the horrible influence that you will later blame and tell me that you love me and would never hurt me. But yet, I still always ended up in the same place, dependent on you, never being able to escape your dominant grip. You are provoking me to seem so feeble, like I can’t stand on my own two feet, but this time it’s different.

I see it, 

I can finally feel hope for the first time, like your roots are letting me go. Everything is  withdrawing I no longer feel chained to you, I can flee, I can go, I can do this. All those bruises painting my weakness, but I am washing them off, freeing myself from your confinement. You have no way of keeping me now you have finally pushed me beyond the unending limits I gave you, time after time letting you push me down. But this time I stand up.

I can finally see the light,

My future, without you. I can finally be me, no bruises, no pain, just plain me. I can walk down the street being proud, knowing all I need is myself, no more blood on the kitchen floor, no more cuts spilling out everything I could never say. Just me and that’s how it will stay.

 

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